


If You Could Only See the Beast You've Made of Me

by Tabbyluna



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Werewolf, F/F, Fluff to Grimdark, One-Sided Akemi Homura/Kaname Madoka, One-Sided Attraction, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabbyluna/pseuds/Tabbyluna
Summary: It's quite a slippery slope. Emotions that start out soft and sweet could just as easily turn you into a hunter...
Relationships: Akemi Homura/Kaname Madoka, Kaname Madoka/Miki Sayaka
Comments: 13
Kudos: 17





	If You Could Only See the Beast You've Made of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Some Dark! femslash. There really isn't enough femslash in the world that isn't fluff, and even then, there's not enough fluff that's like, legit couple fluff instead of like, galpal fluff. So, here we are. Done because I got into a discussion lamenting the lack of Problematic! Homura in Madohomu content, so here we go. Homura's a monster in this, but I hope I wrote a good monster.

Madoka had been the first person to greet her when she first moved to the neighbourhood, bringing a casserole her father made and a small tupperware box full of cookies. She offered to help with the moving process, looking at the seemingly hundreds of boxes littering her house. And she left saying that if she needed anything, she could always look for her. “Welcome to the neighbourhood!” She had said, in a cheerful, sweet voice.

And as she walked back to her house, it left Homura’s heart fluttering, holding onto the containers of food. She was a beautiful girl. Hair soft and silky, eyes wide and kind, face round and innocent. She had the face and the demeanour of a lamb, a kindhearted presence which could touch even the most distant of hearts. And for the rest of the day, Homura could not get her out of her head. It stuck with her, the image of Madoka smiling at her, speaking kindly and asking her questions. In all honesty, it was all rather strange to her.

Orphaned at a young age, left abandoned in a chapel and discovered by a priest, Homura had always relied on herself. Relying on her own paychecks. Doing all her work by herself. When she had graduated from University, she had no family to celebrate with her. No one had really done anything particularly nice for her. For most of her life, she had been an invisible girl. Until that day, when Madoka showed up at the door with food and some kind words. Well, that was probably one of the most unexpected, but kindest things she ever had happen to her. Madoka continued to be on Homura’s mind as she ate the casserole (rice and curry meat sauce), ate a few of the cookies (chocolate), and got herself ready for bed.

In her dreams that night, she thought about a pink haired girl with a nice smile. It was a pleasant dream.

*****

‘Ding dong!’

Homura woke up the next day to the sound of the doorbell ringing. Much to her embarrassment, she had overslept. And the best she could do to make herself look more presentable was to change out of her pyjamas into the clothes she had on the other day. She opened the door with unbrushed hair and teeth, and much to her embarrassment, Madoka was there. Along with three other people.

Madoka introduced them as Mami, Kyoko, and Sayaka, who all greeted Homura politely. “What are you doing here?” Asked Homura. Somewhat curious about the whole ordeal.

“Well, you mentioned yesterday how you didn’t have anyone to help you move, and since it’s the weekend, I discussed it with the girls and we all decided to come over and help you out.” She smiled. Then she mentioned how another member of their group, Hitomi, wanted to help out, but she was busy working that day. “She said that she would love to meet you someday though.”

With four sets of extra hands, things definitely got done a lot faster. Mami helped to assign people their roles, and they immediately got to work. Kyoko and Sayaka opened boxes and set up furniture. While Madoka and Mami helped her with decorating and putting everything in place. Though it was still hard work, Homura had to admit that it was actually… a little fun. While she and Madoka worked together to sort her books out on her bookshelf, she decided to take the opportunity to get to know her a little more. “So… Madoka… Why did you decide to be so kind to me?”

Madoka smiled, and continued placing books onto the shelf. “Well, when I was a kid my family moved to America for my Mother’s work. Back then, all our neighbours did the same thing, they came to our house with a casserole, and then the next day they showed up to help us all move in.” She paused, like she was reminiscing on a comforting, nostalgic memory. “I never forgot their kindness, and I told myself that if I had the opportunity to help anyone like that, I would do it.”

And so that evolved into a conversation where Homura encouraged Madoka to share more about herself. She was raised by a working mother, a stay-at-home father, and she had a younger brother in elementary school. When she was nine, she moved to America, and she moved back to Japan when she was fourteen. In middle school, she met the other girls, and they had been friends ever since. She needed to take an extra year off of school to retake the entrance exams, and she was currently in University, studying to become a nurse. “What about you Homura?” She asked. “There’s a lot of classic literature here, and I see lots of science fiction too. Did you study literature in University?”

“Ah, no. It’s just a hobby, really. I actually studied theoretical physics in University,” she said, strangely shy. It was only a question, there wasn’t a reason to be this shy about talking to her.

“Really? That’s really cool, Homura. I know I’m not smart enough to ever go on to study something like that.”

“Oh… well… but nurses are important too! It takes all sorts of different people to be in this world! I really can’t do anything to truly help people with my degree, probably the best I can do is become a professor at a University! I-” For whatever reason, she hated hearing Madoka talk about herself like that, and now she couldn’t stop talking, couldn’t stop trying her best to come up with nice things to say about her. 

It at least made Madoka laugh shyly and blush. So she supposed that it wasn’t the worst way that interaction could have gone. The mood became slightly awkward after that, so Homura convinced Madoka to talk a little bit more about herself. Asking questions, listening earnestly.

When the job was almost done, Kyoko suggested ordering a pizza, and they agreed to that. But Homura didn’t expect for her to end up ordering three large ones, including a personal deep dish pizza for herself. “Just two would have been enough…” she said. How much did these all cost?

“Oh, it’s alright. You’d be surprised with how much Kyoko over there can eat,” said Sayaka, taking the boxes over to the newly set up dining table. 

“And anyways, even if you do get leftovers you can always keep them as leftovers. Would be a shame if any of it went to waste,” added Kyoko, reaching for her deep dish pizza. 

Mami walked out of the kitchen, carrying a teapot and a few teacups out on a tray. Earlier, Mami had gone grocery shopping for Homura, and Homura had been wondering what she had gotten for her. “Alright. Who would like some fruit tea?”

“Oh, is it a new recipe, Mami?” Asked Madoka. Mami nodded her head, and set the tea down in the middle of the circular table. Homura had to admit, it had been a long time since anyone had treated her to meals like these. Strangely enough, she kind of liked it. She sat herself right between Madoka and Sayaka, and the crew started to dig into their meal.

During the meal, Homura learned a bit more about the other girls at the table. Mami was an orphan too, though she lost her parents in a car accident, instead of being abandoned at a chapel as a baby like she had been. She studied business and was hoping to run her own bakery or cafe someday. Kyoko was the daughter of a minister, and she didn’t go to University. Instead, she opted to work at a local arcade. She didn’t mind the work, though admitted that one of the more difficult, but more fulfilling parts of the job was probably looking out for kids who frequented the place. Who were troubled or had negligent parents. Sayaka needed to retake her entrance exam twice. But eventually, she made it, and she was studying sports science.

From there, the conversation shifted to being about their personal lives. She found out that Kyoko had a younger sister. That Mami took up shooting as a sport when she was in high school and college. And that Sayaka had an on-again-off-again relationship with a violinist. “We’re taking a break again.” She pulled out another piece of pizza, and nibbled at the cheese. Her plate was filled with pizza crust. Pizza crust which Kyoko was trying to get her to eat by jabbing her with them.

“Honestly, you should really break up with him for real. I really can’t stand seeing the two of you constantly going at it. You’re honestly wasting each other’s time.” Kyoko poked her face with another piece of pizza crust.

Sayaka swatted her hand away, and took a big bite of her pizza. “I mean, probably. I’d honestly been thinking about it for a while. Maybe it’s about time we both move on. I know he’s had his eyes on Hitomi for a while, after all. And I… I think maybe we should try to see other people,” she said, glancing across the table. Right at Madoka, Homura noticed.

Eventually, every scrap of pizza was eaten, even the pizza crusts. (“Alright, fine, you win!”) Mami helped her with washing up, Madoka wiped the table, Kyoko and Sayaka threw the trash away. Then they all headed home, Homura thanking them all for helping her. But once the door closed, she couldn’t help but think about the way Sayaka looked at Madoka earlier. Just like how thoughts of Madoka played in her head yesterday, thoughts of Sayaka played on loop like a broken record that evening. 

When she went to sleep that night, she couldn’t remember what dream she had. But she thought it had something to do with drowning.

*****

She saw Madoka around a lot. They headed out of the house at the same time, Madoka on the way to school and Homura on her way to job interviews. Those mornings, they would walk together to the train station, where they would later take different trains. Homura would ask Madoka questions about how University life was treating her. Occasionally, Madoka would ask for advice, and Homura would gladly provide. During weekends, Madoka always managed to get her friends together for little outings to the city. That was where Homura met Hitomi, and that was also where she, for the first time, felt like she was a part of a group of friends.

Those outings were also when she noticed that Sayaka was getting awfully close to Madoka. A few months after she had joined the group, Sayaka had revealed that she and her boyfriend, Kyousuke, had broken up for good. A month later, Hitomi revealed that she and Kyousuke were now going out. The group began seeing less and less of Hitomi. Sayaka hoped they were happy together.

That day, they watched a movie and then went out to eat at a cafe. Mami told them that the cafe she was working at was having a promotion for Golden week. Kyoko suggested that they go over to visit her one of those days. But throughout it all, Homura could only really focus on Madoka and Sayaka. She sat opposite them in their booth, but a part of her wished that she had chosen to sit next to Madoka. She tried to focus on her cheesecake, on the conversation, but her thoughts kept drifting back to the two of them. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t stop observing every move they made. How Sayaka wrapped an arm around Madoka’s shoulders. The way they cracked jokes that only the two of them got. How Sayaka asked for a bite of Madoka’s strawberry shortcake, and how Madoka fed her a little.

Eventually, it got late, and they all went their separate ways home. But Homura headed to get some groceries first. It was a fine night to have some cold soba for dinner. Some cold soba, and a bit of store bought sake.

On the way back from the store, she needed to cross through a dark alleyway. But she wasn’t scared. She had passed through that alleyway plenty of times. It was highly unlikely anyone dangerous would come out to hurt her. So she walked, lax. The full moon shining a light over the city. A box from a nearby stack of garbage dropped to the floor.

Homura saw it, and jumped. For a moment, from the corner of her eye, she could have sworn she saw something move. But maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. She was getting a little tired, after all. This city was pretty safe. It was part of why she wanted to move here.There was probably nothing to worry about. She continued making her way back home, a little faster, but still unpanicked. 

Another noise was made. This time, a loud, sharp, ‘clang!’ from the nearby garbage can. Homura turned around, but she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. ‘It’s probably some kids hiding somewhere. They’ve got nothing better to do, and they’re trying to pull a prank,’ she thought. 

She turned back and faced forward once again. Where there was now something else greeting her. A while earlier, the pathway was empty. With only assorted trash and trash cans filling the sides of the alley. But there was now a large dog in her path. A very large dog. Homura swallowed, and cautiously took a step back.

The dog was large and slobbering, it’s fur matted and Homura could have sworn it was stained with blood. There was a wicked gleam in its eyes. One which sent a chill down Homura’s spine. She took another step backwards, and the dog took a few steps forward. 

She tried to run, but she had been wearing heels, and soon the dog had caught up with her. In a second, it had sunken its jaws into Homura’s thigh, and she released a sharp howl of pain, dropping to the ground in the process. But curiously, a few seconds after it had bitten her, it released its jaw. Homura hissed in pain, wincing as she caught sight of her leg. The bite mark was obvious, breaking through her skin, her thigh covered in a mix of saliva and blood. But despite having been put in a vulnerable position, the dog merely ran off afterwards. Away and out of the dirty alleyway, leaving a scared and confused Homura to herself.

Searching around the dozens of dropped bags and groceries, she eventually found her phone. And once she found it, its screen cracked and its cover filthy, she called the hospital, and then she called Madoka.

*****

The hospital said that she tested negative for rabies, but they still needed to keep her there under observation for a week. During that week, they all visited her. Mami baked her a cake. Kyoko bought her some cookies. Sayaka bought her chocolate. Madoka bought her some fruit, and visited her almost every day.

During her visits, they talked a lot. Madoka asked her how she was doing and if she was making progress. Homura would ask her how she was doing in University. And Madoka would talk. She loved hearing her talk, hearing about the stories that she had to share, and about how she was looking forward to her graduation. Homura promised to attend it, and Madoka reached for her hand, beaming at her promise. 

It was a good day for Homura, and that night, she dreamed sweet dreams.

But the next day, she was going to be discharged, and Madoka visited her for moral support. Sayaka tagged along too, and when she came in, she immediately greeted Madoka with a kiss on the mouth.

Homura could only look at them in stunned silence. And after a few seconds, Madoka finally noticed the way she was staring at them, and blushed. “Oh, right. Homura, I haven’t really told you this, slipped my mind, really, but Sayaka and I are going out now.”

They brought her out to eat ramen for dinner. And after their meal, Madoka asked if she wanted to go out somewhere to have some dessert. Homura declined, saying that she really would like to head home. “Still feeling rather tired. Last week has been a lot, after all.” The two girls nodded, understanding, and promptly dropped her off at home. 

“Mami and Kyoko did some grocery shopping for you earlier today too. It’s in the trunk,” said Sayaka, driving along the road. Madoka rode shotgun, Sayaka’s jacket wrapped around her like a blanket. It only made Homura tug at her own thin woolen sweater. She nodded at Sayaka, and made a half-hearted throaty noise to signify that she understood. 

The moment Sayaka pulled up to Homura’s house, Homura stepped out of the car and headed to the trunk to grab her groceries. “Do you need any help with that?” Asked Sayaka, stepping out of the car.

“It’s fine.” Homura didn’t even turn her head to face her when she said that. With her arms full of groceries, she marched right to her house, refusing to say a single thing until she closed the door behind her. Then, she proceeded to try and make herself busy. Pushing herself to put away all her groceries, restocking the cupboards and refrigerator left empty for a week. And once she was done with that, she shuffled out of her clothes. Tossed them into her laundry hamper, and found her old pyjamas in her closet. How she had missed those clothes which hospitalised, with their familiar feel and smell. It was so comforting to put them on again. She pushed herself some more, to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. And once she was done, she gave herself one final push. To her bedroom, under the covers, time for bed.

And only after she tucked herself under her blanket, only after her face hit the pillow, did she allow the tears to flow freely.

*****

About three weeks later, Homura found herself craving meat. She found herself craving meat all week, in fact. So much so that by Friday, she had exhausted her supply of meat. That night, she finished nearly two boxes worth of karaage chicken, and she still wanted more. So she headed outside, ready to brave a trip to the store. 

She was taking the long way this time, since she no longer trusted the shortcut through the alleyway. Tugging her purse near her, she walked cautiously. Far more cautiously than she would have done a month earlier.

She had changed a lot over the past month. Though she had always been a quiet, sensitive girl, she found herself feeling things far more intensely than she had ever felt in the past. In the past, a month ago, she felt soft, fragile. Now she was all edges and anger and obsession. And she couldn’t seem to get it to stop. 

Everyday, the only thing she could focus on was Madoka and Sayaka. Sayaka and Madoka. Her two friends, and how they were together. Together. As girlfriends. As lovers. It infuriated her so much. Seeing them together frustrated her, bringing with it sensations like her squirming stomach and her flushed face. As if it was a poisonous cloud hanging over her constantly, it almost seemed to fuel her, this obsession with the two of them. They occupied her headspace, and she both hated it and embraced it.

That day, Homura also seemed to have kind of an upset stomach. She suspected it might have something to do with acid reflux, but she’s not quite sure. To be safe, she thought about eating some antacids when she got home. And going to bed afterwards. For whatever reason, she was feeling especially warm and dizzy tonight.

She walked a little further, towards the direction of the store. At least, she hoped that she was headed the right way. Honestly, she wasn’t quite sure. The buildings all kind of look similar, and there seems to be no one around. Wait, she did go the right way, didn’t she? Did she take the wrong turn? She was pretty sure. But then, why are the smells around her growing stronger? What did she pass by? And why did all the colours look weird? And… Why did she feel itchy all over? Homura felt herself fall forward to the ground, and that was when she saw it.

They were supposed to be her hands. A pair of normal human hands, belonging to a normal human woman. Sprawled out on the gravel, stopping her from falling over completely. But instead, what she saw in front of her was a pair of paws, similar to those of a dog. Upon seeing them, she wanted to scream. But instead, what came out of her was a sharp howling noise. As if she were some sort of wolf.

She stopped, a lump forming in her throat and horror filling her quickly. What… what was this!? A part of her wanted to scream out in fear, but she worried for the sound which might come out of her throat. She looked around, trying to find anything which could be used as a mirror. Searching around, she eventually stumbled across a puddle by the side of the road. And with her whole body shaking, she peered into it.

By the light of the moon and a few nearby streetlights, she saw the face of a wolf staring right back at her.

No one was around to see her transform, which she supposed was a good thing. If someone had seen something as supernatural as this happen to her, she would have to deal with another panicked person alongside her own worry. But because she was all alone, her own fears and panic were all she had to focus on. Looking at her reflection, any rational explanations or logical solutions she tried to concoct on the spot dissolved, and converted into a cold dread which filled her completely. 

What did this mean, and what was she supposed to do now?

She heard some muffled talking. Voices coming from somewhere nearby, familiar voices at that. Homura looked up from the side of the road, another shot of panic coursing through her. No, Madoka was nearby. As was Sayaka. She sniffed the air, recognising their scent, and she tried to take off and run away from the both of them. But she was too late. Their footsteps and their voices and the rustling of their plastic bags grew louder and louder, and soon Homura spotted the two of them walking down the street. And they spotted her.

*****

She ran all the way home. No looking back, no turning around. All she wanted was to escape them before either of them could do anything to her. The two of them would be overly cautious about dogs, no doubt. Especially big dogs left outside in the street. Dogs just like her. Before they had the chance to call animal control or anyone, she ran for her life, adrenaline coursing through her veins, fueling her all the way. Until she finally arrived at her house. Then, she allowed herself to catch her breath, and since she was not able to use her keys, she scouted around until she found a loose window, and climbed through it into the kitchen.

Finally, she was by herself, hidden in the safety of four familiar walls. Looking out to her living area, she realised that she had accidentally left her light on. And she wanted to turn it off, but now she supposed there wasn’t a way to do that. Darn it. She allowed herself to calm down; hopefully she won’t come under harm’s way. Right now, she needed to keep her head cool. Keep calm, and try her best to think about her situation.

So, she was a dog now. Possibly a wolf, she did sort of look like one. Looking out the window, she peered towards the sky. A layer of cloud had formed, but soon, the wind blew it away and revealed the full moon to Homura. A full moon. She turned into a dog (a wolf?). And just a month ago, she was bitten by a large, feral dog.

She had seen things like this before. Though in the past, only in movies, only in the novels on her shelf. Based on all the information she had, what she currently was and how the moon shined down on her, she could say that she had turned into a werewolf. It was unbelievable. These things, by right, should only happen in fantasy books and movies. Yet here she was. Large paws, covered in fur, and every noise she made sounded like a wolf rather than a woman. 

Silently, she curled up on the marble floor, suddenly realising how tired she was. She was cold, and scared, but her eyes were getting heavy and though her mind was filled with billions of racing thoughts, she badly wanted to escape from all those thoughts. If things were similar to the way things worked in those movies and books, she should turn back to normal in the morning. And so, with every part of her physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, Homura found herself slowly, slowly, drifting off to sleep.

She had a weird dream that night. Something that she couldn’t remember clearly, but she thought it had something to do with nets, spiderwebs, and the full moon shining above her.

*****

The next morning, she awoke to the sound of her doorbell. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a pair of human hands sprawled out on the marble floor. For a while, her mind felt foggy. What did she do last night? Why was she on the floor? But slowly, the memories of last night came back to her. The transformation, seeing Sayaka and Madoka, her fear and her panic and the realisation that none of it was a dream. She looked down, and found a human woman’s body. After getting up and rushing to the bathroom, she looked at the mirror and saw her face. Not the face of a wolf. Thank goodness.

So, she was now a werewolf. 

The doorbell rang again, and Homura, after heading to her bedroom to change into some clothes, rushed over to answer it. She would unpack her thoughts about the matter later, but right now the door needed to be answered. Through the peephole, she saw Madoka and Sayaka there. And in Madoka’s hands was the purse that she dropped last night.

She opened the door, and smiled sheepishly at the two ladies standing before her. “Ah, good morning Madoka, Sayaka,” she greeted, feeling somewhat awkward. Technically neither of them would have any idea that the big dog they encountered last night was her. But nevertheless, it still felt odd to talk to them when she knew exactly what went on last night. 

“Morning.”

“Good morning Homura,” Madoka clutched at the purse a little tighter. “So, last night we were on our way to pick up some last minute groceries, since my Dad’s been sick and my Mom’s been busy at work. But on the way back, we saw this huge dog, and by the side of the road, for some reason we found your purse.”

“Were you out last night or something?” Sayaka asked. “We came across this huge dog along the way too. Though funnily enough it ran away from us when we showed up.”

“Oh. Oh yes, yes I was.” She gratefully accepted the purse from Madoka with a blush and a smile. “Ah, well, last night I wanted to go and get a few snacks, since I was feeling a little bit hungry. But I came across that dog, and I panicked. In the process, I must have dropped this.” She couldn’t stop talking again. Whenever Madoka was in her vicinity, and she began feeling nervous, she would always end up like this. It was all rather embarrassing. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re safe,” said Madoka, clasping her hands together.

“Thank you so much for returning this,” said Homura, opening it up and searching through her belongings. Everything was in place, from her wallet to her keys to her lipstick. Thank goodness. “I was so worried about this last night, but I was too scared to head out after seeing that dog yesterday.”

“Hey, glad you’re safe.” Sayaka slapped her back, which made Homura wince a little, but she kept forcing her smile so as to seem inconspicuous. “Hopefully we’ll catch that dog soon. We don’t want it hurting anyone else soon, huh?”

“Oh. Of course not. Yeah, we wouldn’t want anyone else to be hurt by it at all.” Homura knew that she probably could have said it in a friendlier tone, but neither Sayaka nor Madoka suspected anything off about the statement. Thankfully. “Well, thank you for returning this. I guess I’ll see you all later today. We’re meeting at the cafe Mami’s working at, aren’t we?” She asked.

“We are!”

“See ya later, Homura.” Waved Sayaka. And she looped an arm around Madoka’s shoulders and walked with her back to her house.

  
Homura watched as they walked down the street. Looking at them, feeling all those feelings she had been feeling the past three weeks flaring up again. She locked her door, and walked to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. As she did so, her thoughts drifted once again, to Madoka. To the way she smiled, the way she practically glowed. And how this beautiful, beaming girl was now partnered with Sayaka. How she would later have to put up with seeing them close together, feeding each other their desserts and gazing adoringly at each other. 

There was probably a period of time in the past where she actually liked Sayaka. But she couldn’t imagine what that would feel like now. Nowadays, whenever she thought of her, all she felt was a sort of seething contempt. A boiling fury, every time she leaned down to peck Madoka on the cheek or to gently push a lock of hair behind her ear. It made her stomach feel all twisted and her mind filled with envy.

But as Homura chopped her vegetables, pretending that they were something a little more… fleshy, she still couldn’t shake off this small, shakey, but still present voice at the back of her head. That voice, pleading with her to not make any moves, just as long as Madoka was happy.

She grimaced. As much as she hated to admit it, getting rid of Sayaka would only devastate Madoka. And though she would love to get a rival out of the way, she had to keep Madoka’s happiness a priority. While she fried an egg, she swore to herself that no matter how badly she wanted Madoka to herself, she couldn’t sacrifice Madoka’s happiness for anything.

Hopefully, she could at least keep that promise to herself. For Madoka’s sake.

*****

The weeks turned into months. And in those months, things were constantly changing. Homura finally found a job. Madoka graduated University. Hitomi married Kyosuke in an extravagant ceremony. Mami started working at another cafe which paid her better. Homura began tracking her transformations. The nights before full moons, she would stock up on meat, clear her schedule, and made sure that she had no prior engagements happening the next evening. Then, when she transformed, she would be safely locked away in her house. No one would know she was a werewolf, no one would be in danger of her turning.

Left as a werewolf, alone in her house, she would frequently be left alone with her thoughts. In the dark, with the only light being the moon shining through her window, she would take the time to ruminate on whatever was on her mind. Her future as a werewolf. The wolf that turned her. She spent the first few transformations thinking about those topics to some degree. But most of the time, just like how she was like for most of her days, she would think about Madoka.

Homura wondered why she had to be the one to turn. Though Madoka was quite possibly one of the kindest people to have ever existed on this Earth, she wondered if someone like her would ever want to be with - would even want to be seen with - a monster like her. She wondered why it couldn’t have been Sayaka. Over and over again, she came up with morbid plans on how she could turn Sayaka, but she shot all of them down. That would only cause Madoka misery, and the thought pained her far more than any envy she might have.

Bitterly, she wondered if Sayaka would ever consider herself unlovable if she was turned into a monster. Such a bubbly, but dense girl. She probably wouldn’t care.

Eventually, envy grew into anger, and she felt this constant need to rip things apart. Tear them down. Break things and destroy things. Chew things up and swallow things whole. The meat she had bought herself simply wasn’t cutting it anymore. And so she added something new to her shopping list before her transformations. She would buy dozens of cheap pillows, so that when she transformed she had dozens of objects to destroy and rip apart. Most of the time, it was mindless destruction. And she enjoyed that a lot. But some nights she was just lucid enough to imagine the pillows as humans, and in the moment she would always feel this excited thrill. This shot of adrenaline, this unexplainable joy coursing through her veins. Imagining human flesh as she dug her paws into the pillow and clamped her jaws down. 

And in the morning, when she was clearing away all her debris, all she could feel was an empty, aching numbness. She never regretted anything, but she did feel oddly tired.

*****

More things changed. Sayaka graduated from University too. Mami revealed that she was seeing someone else, and Kyoko got a job at a different arcade. Though their meetings changed from weekly to bi-weekly, they still tried their best to meet up with each other. And during those meetings Homura always retreated into herself. Her resentment towards Sayaka grew by the hour when she was together with Madoka. But she needed to appear amicable. If only for Madoka’s sake.

They always talked about their lives, and most of it was rather dull to her. The most interesting thing about her life was her lycanthropy, and there was no way she was going to reveal that to any of them. But she tried her best to listen. Tried to remember what all of them were going through. Though nothing usually caught her attention, there was one particular announcement where, upon hearing it, made her almost spit her tea out.

“We’re getting married!” Sayaka announced. Madoka covered her face with her hand shyly, but in the process showed them all the single pink sapphire ring she had on her finger. 

Mami and Kyoko cheered them on, congratulating the two of them for making it that far in their relationship. But all Homura could afford to do was force a small smile. Try to look polite. Don’t show off the darkness or the anger that she had bubbling within her.

“Hey, Homura? Are you alright?” Asked Sayaka. Crap, did she catch on? A brow was raised and her lips were thinned, so she certainly looked at her with suspicion. 

“I’m fine,” said Homura. “I’m just… feeling a little dizzy. I think I should probably leave for home now.” And she got up without another word. Leaving her tea unfinished and the group of girls confused, no doubt. Silently, Homura walked home. It felt as if time had stopped, and all around her the world had slowed down, stopped, until she was the only, lonely soul left in it. 

When she arrived at home, she didn’t cry like the night she found out they were together. She had grown beyond that point. Beyond the need for a vulnerable emotion like sadness. All she felt was a raging jealousy, a roaring anger. Every part of her felt like killing, breaking, destroying something, someone. But still, the thinnest of threads held onto her sanity, and though she made it to the knife cabinet in her kitchen, she didn’t take a single one out. All evening, as she prepared her dinner and ate it, she seethed. Yes, she knew this hatred was consuming her, intoxicating her, yet she didn’t care. 

Madoka might seem happy, but Sayaka was not good enough for her. The woman who needed to retake her entrance exams twice couldn’t possibly have anything of value to give her in the future. The woman who still behaved like a young girl couldn’t possibly give Madoka the comfort she deserved. But, for whatever reason, Madoka chose her. So she supposed that she would have to grin and bear it. Smile for Madoka. Be happy for her decision. 

But as she lay in bed that night, she came to the conclusion that even if she had to grin and smile and be happy for Madoka, she would do it as a duty. Nothing could change the way her heart felt about her, or Sayaka, or any of the other girls. And nothing could make her care about what happened to them.

*****

The months went by. Their meetings grew rarer and rarer as they prepared for the wedding. Homura bought more and more cheap throw pillows to rip to shreds, and soon the number of trash bags she had grew from two, to three, to four or five within six months. She was asked to be a bridesmaid, to wear a matching plum coloured dress alongside everyone else. For some reason she agreed, though she knew Sayaka was frowning at her when Madoka asked. 

She had marked that date on her calendar app. Madoka and Sayaka’s wedding. Later, she changed it to Sayaka’s wedding, because she couldn’t stand to see Madoka’s name tied to a wedding that wasn’t their own. Fortunately, they paid for the dress, so Homura could spend all her money on throw pillows. Slowly, her furniture gained bite marks. The paint on her walls peeled off. Homura had not invited anyone to her house in a long time, and she had no intention of doing it now. It became her cave, her lair, especially during nights with the full moon. She prowled around the house, growling and ruminating. In the morning, she was met with emotional numbness.

She wasn’t sure if it was because of the lycanthropy, or if she was just that fucked up in the head. Either answer suited her just fine.

And then she realised that she made a mistake accepting the offer to be a bridesmaid. Because the night of the wedding would be a night where there was a full moon. 

She knew that it was too late to pull out of the wedding. And funnily enough, though she no longer cared about what happened to anyone except Madoka, a part of her hated thinking what would happen if she were found out. It filled her with dread. Maybe that was her sense of self-preservation kicking in?

They were supposed to get married at this beautiful resort near a forest. And they were supposed to honeymoon there as well. When Homura arrived there a couple days earlier, along with the rest of the wedding party, she had already sorted out a plan in her head. The night of the wedding, she was going to tell everyone that she wasn’t feeling too well, and that she wanted to head to her room to lie down. Then, she would lock herself in the bathroom, rip apart a series of small rubber toys she had brought with her, and in the morning she would clean all of it up. 

No one would suspect a thing.

In order to not make it seem too suspicious, she needed to give off the impression that she was unwell. So that evening, she ate very little, and immediately went off to bed. As she got ready for bed, the small, faint voice at the back of her head seemed louder than it had ever been for the past few months. It told her to stop this thinking, stop this obsession. But she eventually turned it off. Morbidly, she wondered what would happen if she rampaged, and she found herself strangely enticed at the images that came to mind. As she brushed her teeth, washed her face, she imagined the ripping of limbs and the bites and the bleeding. The clawing and the howling and the eventual running away from it all with Madoka. 

She fell asleep to those thoughts. And that night, she had a dream which, a few years ago, she would have called a nightmare. But when she woke up from that dream, filled with its blood-curdling screams and murderous imagery, all she could feel was an empty numbness. 

*****

It was the day of the wedding. Finally. And for the first part of the day, everything went smoothly. There were cheers and joy and laughter. Everyone had fun. The sun was shining, the brides’ parents all cried when they saw their darling daughters dressed up, everything was joyful and sunny and the way things should be exactly. Perfection, a day just for the two of them.

It only made Homura’s stomach turn.

She was busy all day, being dragged around from traditional activity to traditional activity. Ceremony to reception dinner. And she supposed that she should have been smiling and beaming alongside everyone else. But she couldn’t. No matter how much she tried. It all just felt fake, and at that point she was far too tired to fake it. And the more she saw those happy faces, the more they cheered and celebrated the happy couple, the more alien and monstrous she felt. Which only strengthened the intensity of her frown.

How she wished they would stop smiling. Though strangely enough, she found that a part of her wished that she could smile alongside them.

That evening, she ate like a bird. Eating only just enough to not go hungry, and most of her meal was the meat served. Halfway through, she decided to leave. Telling someone beside her that she was not feeling well. But as she was about to head back to her room, she heard the sound of two separate pairs of high heels clicking on the marble floor.

“What’s wrong, Homura?” Asked Mami, hands on her waist. Beside her, Kyoko stood with a pastry from the dessert buffet. Homura stopped in her tracks. Damn it, she was caught now.

“I’m not feeling too well tonight Mami. Right now, I would really like to lie down.” The two of them walked forward, blocking her path. “So could you please let me through.”

“Oh come on Homura. We’re not blind. We know that you’ve been unhappy since we’ve arrived here. Hell, you’ve been pretty obviously unhappy about this for months,” said Kyoko, popping the pastry into her mouth. “You can tell us what you’re feeling. I bet you’ll feel a lot better if you do too.” Mami nodded in agreement.

Homura took a step forward, but neither of them moved. She knew the sun had set, and soon the moon would rise and she would transform. Already, the familiar feverish feeling was making itself known, but despite that, she tried her best to not panic. “It’s nothing. I’m just feeling sick and tired. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get to my room.”

“Homura, what’s wrong with you?” Asked Mami. “Madoka and Sayaka have been planning this wedding for months, and yet you’ve shown no support for either of them. You didn’t even get them a wedding gift, for goodness sake.” She folded her arms, and gave her a stern stare. 

“It’s nothing!” Homura took a couple more steps forward, and Mami and Kyoko continued to stand their ground. “I just need to… I need to…” She felt herself get dizzier, warmer. Her annoyance and anger spiking. She wanted to say something more to them, but all she could muster was a growl. 

Oh no. Not now.

“Homura, you okay?” Asked Kyoko. 

“You’re acting extremely immature right about now. Please use your…” Her expression changed in an instant. Going from strict, authoritative, almost motherly, to scared, alarmed, confused. And Homura found herself strangely amused by that change. She felt her fur grow around her, her dress ripping and being torn apart at the seams. Her hands filling into paws and her face growing into snout. And through it all, any anger and resentment and jealousy she had within her being magnified tenfold. Whatever tiny voice of reason that might be in her head had disappeared. Now, there was only the beast within her.

She was out of control now. No longer did she care about any of her actions. All she wanted now, tonight, was to sate the thirst for blood that had been growing within her for years. Before her stood two young women, rooted to the ground out of fear. And with a growl that came from the very bottom of her vocal range, she lunged at the two of them, killing the two of them with a hard bite of her jaw each.

Their lifeless bodies lay before her, skin ripped apart and a new metallic taste filling Homura’s mouth. Maybe it was because she hadn’t eaten enough, or maybe it was because of all this repressed anger, but she felt like doing more of it. Like ripping apart more bodies, leaving them lifeless before her. Filling her mouth with more of this delightful taste. Satisfying this inner hunter that had suddenly awakened. 

Her ears perked up, and she saw a person she did not recognise stare at her. Horror was in her eyes, and she too was frozen with fear. Homura merely lunged at her, and with a strong bite and several scratches, the lady lay dead before her too. And now that she knew she didn’t want to stop, she headed back to the reception, where dozens more people, upon seeing her, screamed out in terror as she rampaged through the crowds.

It was honestly a blur to her. Everywhere she turned, there was a new potential victim. And she would always make quick, bloody work with them. Clamping her jaw down, scratching at them, pinning them all down with superhuman strength. Screams of terror came from all directions as everyone tried to evacuate. But she was fast, and she had managed to kill nine, ten, eleven, twelve people. And it felt invigorating. 

From the corner of her eye, after she had ripped the heart out of a man in a red tie, she spotted two very familiar young women escaping through the waves of people. Huddled under Sayaka, crying and stressed and afraid, was Madoka. And it hit her. She technically had the power to get Madoka for herself now. She had nothing to lose, and though Sayaka used to always talk about working out and getting stronger, there was no way she could win against a creature like her. By the end of the night, she could have Sayaka out of the picture entirely, and Madoka all to herself. So she launched herself towards them, slaughtering her way through the sea of people. Biting them and clawing at them. Running desperately, following the two brides out of the resort.

She followed them out, through the sea of people and dead bodies, into the parking lot. The two of them were a mess. Nervous, sweaty, their dresses ripped and slightly bloody and their makeup running down their faces. But Homura kept her eyes on them, even as they entered the car and started to drive off, Homura only followed. Dodging and denting any other vehicle which got in her way.

She followed them to the road, running after them with all she had. Under the full moon that night, with the stinging cold air rushing against her and the car driving ahead as fast as possible, Homura felt strangely at home. As if after months and months of denial, something inside of her had broken free, and she had finally fully accepted herself. It turned out that she was a monster. A selfish, greedy beast who only wanted a fair maiden for herself. Here she was, howling and chasing, fueled by both love and hatred. A far cry from the girl who had once fallen in love with Kaname Madoka. And though a part of her mourns the loss of that girl, she couldn’t help but embrace her transformation. 

Now this was who she was. This was what she was. And she supposed that there was no going back now.

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, as stated in the additional tags, this all takes place from Homura's perspective, so she wouldn't be the most reliable narrator. I don't hate Sayaka, I actually like her quite a bit. But since Homura's jealous of her, and she wants Madoka to herself, yeah, she's not gonna have the nicest things to say about Sayaka.


End file.
